Its been a long time ..

Its been such a long time since i last blogged .. so much has happened since.

You know how when you're younger and you imagine yourself at a certain age... well I did not measure up !

Recently I feel like a PLL.. I have been keeping certain things from people .. not by my doing but by other's wishes..

Speaking of PLL... I dont have to for the drama.. if I was on PLL there would be not be a show.. I would tell everything..

Back to what i was saying.. there has been so many changes in my life in the pass year or so.. I dont talk to certain people any more because of the way they have treated me.. I'm trying to get away from them.. being emotionally dependent.. I dont know if I can allow myself to fully give myself to another person.. i dont think i like where it took me ..

it is now second semester of my senior year.. I am looking at grad schools.. i dont have much time .. i need to hand them in..

I'm with someone now.. its been nice so far..

I have developed some trust issues.. because of this one person.. i feel like they took advantage of my kindness and my love for them..

Well professionally things are going great ! I am the Records and Compliance Officer for Student Conduct this semester. I am also the Mentor Resident Assistant for The Village Apartment Living..

looking at the future.. i dont know what it holds.. i could be in florida, texas, or ct ... Im just not sure a bit scared ..

I know.. Its complicated...backbone

I know its complicated... and Im not the person who you were envisioning falling in love with. Trust me its a mutual feeling. I didnt think I was going to be in this situation with you, I honestly had no idea this would even happen.

We have only known each other for about a year now, and it feel like it has been years.. If you ever read any of these blogs of mind, I would have to say they are self explanatory and fueled behind anger, love, hurt, stress, and in the moment feelings (so irrational feelings and thoughts).

I am happy where things are between us. I know we only will grow from here. I knew that things were going to be different between us since last semester was over. Like I said before, this is a new chapter and what ever happens is going to be filed into another cabinet.

Life is about experiencing challenges and handling situations as they come up. You are definitely apart of those challenges and situations.

This is a space where I can process things.. (respect that) let me process. So I dont have to bother you.. I can say I have my seat belt on and Im waiting for the ride to end, but I hope it never does. This is something new for the both of us, lets be each other's backbone.

I think I am Ready To Say GoodBye

I think I am ready to say goodbye to a lot of things at this point.

I am finally ready to say goodbye to him and what ever we had... Things are clearly different between us, with no chance to return to what we were before.

As one chapter closes, another one opens is a common phrase but I think I am ready to make this uncommon and make it unique. Common is just another way of conforming to the norms in this area.

As many times as I look back, its time to look forward.

I dont think I want to say goodbye to him in person or through BBM. I am going to turn things different and say nothing at all to him at all. When ever the last time we speak to one another, is going to be the last time we speak to one another.

Tired of looking for closure from other people. Im going make my own closure, and i dont operate like others do, so in my none conventional way. im going to make things none conventional.

Sometimes it does suck, but once i leave this campus tomorrow so will all of the emotional baggage that went into this semester. . . going to be completely done.

I know I mean what I say and say what I mean, this time is going to be no different. This is going to be the last time that I ever blog about this person, for this issue. With this it closes the chapter of us and what ever happens from here on out is in another chapter.

When ever i think of you two songs come to mind . . .

"I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did-------

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know--------

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know--------

And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/impossible-lyrics-shontelle.html ]


Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love

I did.........."

"According To You lyrics

Songwriters: Diamond, Steve; Frampton, Andrew;

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right
According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody
And you can't take me any place
According to you I suck at telling jokes
'Cause I always give it away

I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with that
According to you, according to you

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/o/orianthi-lyrics/according-to-you-lyrics.html }
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

I need to feel appreciated
Like I'm not hated, oh no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad, you're making me dizzy

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless
You can't do anything right

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
Baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you, you
According to you, you

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless

I can't do anything right"

This is going to be the end of you and I. Things are offically over and done. Ive known this was going to come for a while, and now that its hear I am ready for this to be done. All of the hurt, confusion, pain, discomfort, draining, fun, and what ever else you characterize this as.. im am ready to say goodbye to you and it . . .

The inital phases are the absolute worse. I'm really drained at this point. I have nnott energy for this presentation. if called then I'm going to pull it out.

You made me look like a fool. I'm going to be the biggest bitch ever and I don't want to hear anything from anyone. I'm sry ppl in advance.

You made me look like a fool. I'm going to be the biggest bitch ever and I don't want to hear anything from anyone. I'm sry ppl in advance.

I feel used! I think if you would have been honest with me from the beginning. lying and leading not right. You made me look like a fool.